America’s Next Top Model, C14E06 Recap: “New York Women”

Last week on ANTM, Tatianna the Teeth got the boot, and I was so, so, so, so happy.

Angelea is frustrated that she’s number two. She wants to be #1.

Alasia is gaining confidence. She won’t even let herself get in her own way.

Krista explains that she, Angelea, Anslee, and Alasia are the realest in the house. She claims that Raina , Brenda, and Jessica are needy. She forgets Alexandra completely, which amuses me to no end.

Jessica is practicing on the runway prancing in a most irritating way, and Angelea is annoyed with Miss Perfect. Jessica is rather smug, I must concur. Back in the bus, Angelea asks Raina and Brenda how it feels to be in the bottom. They ignore her. Later, in their room, Brenda complains about Angelea to Raina, and Angelea overhears them. Angelea, of course, rips into the girls, who try to laugh off Angelea’s insults. She accuses them of having “fake confidence,” and warns them that everyone will see through them in the end.

Later on, Brenda, Raina, and Jessica are complaining about Angelea in the room that they now share with Alasia, and Alasia (proudly flaunting Ugly Headwrap #12!) shouts, “Y’all know I’m right here, right?” I have to agree that if you’re complaining about someone right in front of her friend, then, you’re just asking for a fight.

Tyra Mail! “When you walk in, you might have a fit. Love, Tyra.”

The girls gush with excitement. They postulate that this next part will be “either runway or go-sees!” Or a photoshoot! Or commercial!

Alasia’s late getting up, and ends up making all of the girls late as a result. The other girls complain. They do love to complain.

Jay Alexander and Ann Shoket are waiting for them, and Jay berates them for being late. Alasia steps up and takes responsibility for making everyone late, and Jay stresses the importance of being on time.

They’re going to have a little fashion teach on how to look like a model and dressing for your proportions. They are in the Seventeen fashion closet. Jay is wearing a cardigan and newsboy cap, and he looks great. Ann’s wearing a red dress that she is just working.

Long torsos should wear high-waisted bottoms and belts.

Slender girls should wear colorblocked clothing.

Athletic girls should wear ruching.

Alexandra must be like, “What about us fatties?” And I second that motion. What should I wear?

The girls have five minutes to get dressed. Anslee is amazed because Brenda doesn’t know where her waist is.

Ann looks the girls over and says that, despite Brenda’s confusion over her lack of waist, she camouflaged her confusion perfectly with a wide belt.

Angelea looks “sweet,” but her necklace is crazy ugly. What the heck is that monstrosity even doing in the Seventeen fashion closet?

Alasia doesn’t know her body type. She’s actually an hourglass, not a short torso. But she still looks cute.

The girls get to keep the clothes! Luckyyyy!

Alasia fights with Jessica on the way back from the challenge. The other girls all attempt to laugh away the tension.

Alasia hilariously describes her conflict with Jessica as Malibu Barbie vs. Marietta Barbie.

Brenda then makes some crack about Angelea being uneducated, and Angelea automatically takes exception to that. She boasts that she graduated from some community college in Buffalo, so she is smart. That begs the question: so why are you here?

Angelea later explains that people automatically assume that she’s uneducated because of the way she talks, but that she’s not. I have to admit that it’s true. It came to me as no surprise that Angelea went to a community college and saw that as a crowning achievement. I judge her and it makes me sad that I can’t bring myself to respect her for getting that far, given that she grew up in Buffalo, and probably in the bad parts, too. Great, now I’m judging myself for being an arrogant mollycoddle who looks down on anyone who’s done the best with the hand they were dealt in life. Thanks a lot, Angelea.

Raina predicts that Angelea or Alasia will throw a punch and get kicked out. Angelea invites herself into their room and flings herself down on Raina’s bunk. She explains, “When you living with girls, especially females…” And Raina snorts with laughter, and I must admit that I did, too.

Brenda comes in and tells Angelea to get out of their room, and Angelea says she can do whatever she wants. Angelea says that she knows how to start a catfight when she wants to. But since this didn’t escalate into any real shouting, I think it’s just a lazy catfight, like so:

Suck it, Rowles. I'll have lolcats on my blog if I WANT TO.

Tyra Mail! But there’s a ding! at the elevator instead of a message on the screen. An impeccably dressed and coiffed person delivers them a note from Tinsley Mortimer. She invites the girls to celebrate the opening of her handbag line. The girls are excited, and get dressed up for a night on the town.

Jay greets the girls, and he’s wearing a pastel plaid tie that totally works. He looks great.

The challenge: each girl has one-on-one time with Tinsley, who will judge them based on their personality and style.

Brenda’s not worried. She says that she goes to “uppity” parties back home, and that these “uppity” parties are her scene. Ahahaha!! Now all of your former hosts will be offended that you called their parties “uppity!” Let’s see how many invites you get when you get back to Podunk, Miss Brenda!

Alasia’s nervous, and she doesn’t know what to say. I am reminded that she’s only eighteen. But her hair looks great. She sits alone, and it’s kinda sad. This kid has no idea how to behave at a function like this.

Jessica talks to Tinsley, and explains about the “dressing for your body type” teach they had earlier that day.

Anslee tells Tinsley that she loves Chanel. Tinsley asks if Anslee knows who designed for Chanel, and she sheepishly admits that she doesn’t know. Tinsley informs her that it’s Karl Lagerfeld, and that this is an extremely important fact for a model to know.

Brenda loves Michael Kors, which I think goes to show that she’s just so vanilla. I’m sorry, but Michael Kors’ designs are just so pedestrian.

Cute, but not exactly mind-blowing, yeah?

Raina gets a compliment on her outfit from Tinsley.

Alasia tells Tinsley that she loves Louis V. She stutters that she loves his colors. She explains that everyone stresses that they’re gonna overthink, but she has the opposite problem. She doesn’t think enough. This statement is so hilarious on so many different levels that I can’t even decide where to start. Tinsley says, “Well, it was nice meeting you,” and Alasia replies, “Do I get up and leave now?” Aww, poor kid.

Evaluations: Jessica was the only one who talked about their teach earlier that day.

Tinsley thought Brenda’s personality is great. This just goes to show how fake the whole New York society scene is.

Alasia was fidgety. She doesn’t think before she speaks. That’s fair.

Jessica automatically gets to be part of the challenge win because she got best picture last week. The winner gets to do a photoshoot for the May edition of Seventeen with one friend. Jessica wins the challenge, so she gets to pick two friends. Of course, she picks Brenda and Raina.

The girls show up for their shoot and it’s about their personal style. Jessica’s actually perfect for Seventeen, and Raina’s very Denise Richards, who was a teen model. Brenda is the misfit to me because girlfriend looks OLD. Meh.

Later, Raina’s in the confessional, complaining about Alasia picking on Jessica. Alasia is eavesdropping on her. After Raina’s done, Alasia rushes in and rants about Raina’s fakeness. Raina then eavesdrops on her. Jessica and Brenda run up the stairs to join in, and Jessica and Raina make fun of Alasia’s ghettoness. While I do agree that Alasia is super-ghetto, I find it in extremely poor taste to mimic her on national television.

Raina tattles to the other girls what she heard Alasia saying. Raina then tells Alasia what she heard, and Alasia takes it in stride. It’s like they’re afraid to start something now.

Tyra Mail! “It’s time to take your campaign underground.” The girls guess that the challenge has something to do with the subway.

Alasia hopes it’s not because it smells like pee down there. And it totally does. She is right to be afraid.

The subway station is deserted. A train pulls up and out step Jay, the photographer, and Nicole the ginger winner of Petite Cycle 13. Nicole takes the opportunity to awkwardly plug Cover Girl Smoky Shadowblast. She is a terrible spokesmodel. I can see why more and more cosmetics companies are turning to actresses instead of models to shill their products on TV.

America's Next Top Ginger.

Each of the girls will be dressed as a “New York Woman.” Is one of them going to be dressed as a hobo? I hope against all hope that I’m right.

Hair and makeup and the photoshoot are all going to take place on the subway.

As the girls are getting made up, Angelea takes the opportunity to ask Nicole about how she dealt with the drama in the house. This is beyond ironic, as Angelea is usually the one stirring the pot. Maybe she’s just doing some covert reconnaissance to try and figure out her opponents’ next move. Nicole just tells Angelea to stay out of it whenever possible and to “stay classy.” Ahahaha!! Girl, were you not on the same show as the girls we’re watching this cycle? How much class do you really expect to find on this show?

Krista is up first, and she is portraying an aspiring actress. She is wearing white on the subway, which is courage itself.

Anslee is an artist. Jay says that she looks like she smells the stench of the subway in her shoot.

Alexandra is an Upper East Side socialite. Jay keeps having to tell her to breathe, because she’s not even breathing. What the heck would a socialite be doing on the subway? Somewhere on the Upper East Side, Tinsley Mortimer just threw her wine glass at her plasma screen TV and is yelling unintelligibly at it.

Raina is the East Village rockabilly chick. Wow, ANTM, that’s pretty specific, don’t you think?

The makeup artists continue to work on the girls. And I totally wanna use Cover Girl Shadowblast. It just looks like so much fun.

Jessica’s dressed like she’s hittin’ the club. She’s struggling to keep her balance and she looks pissed the whole time. She definitely overthinks it.

Angelea feels like a star. She’s a fashionista. She’s actually looking very pretty and natural. I know. I am surprised. Jay says that she has a studied poise. Never did I expect to hear the words “Angelea” and “poise” in the same sentence.

Brenda is a student, which is ironic, given her age. Now that Tatianna’s gone, Brenda’s teeth are my new nemesis. She looks oooooold in her shoot.

Alasia practices walking on the subway platform. When it’s her turn, she immediately grabs onto a pole, causing Jay to caution her, “We want Cover Girl, not $2 ho.” She’s supposed to be a model on a go-see, so I have no idea why they dressed her so plainly. She looks awful, and her entire shoot follows suit. Jay tells her not to forget why she’s there. She claims she’s not going to cry, which only serves to speed up the waterworks.

That’s a wrap!

Brenda feels super-confident and at peace. She says she has the edgiest look in the house. Somehow, this makes me think of osteoporosis, and how Brenda’s bones are probably and brittle as a bird’s.

Tyra Mail: Eliminations!

Alasia is nervous, and sports Ugly Headwrap #13 as she awaits a verdict from the judges.

Panel! Tyra remarks that everybody is collectively looking better because of that fashion teach. And they are. Ooh, but Angelea’s sporting some scary bags under her eyes.

Guest judge is Ann Shoket.

Raina’s up first. She was an East Village rockabilly. She lost her neck in the picture, but Ann thinks that she’s got an edgy attitude.

Krista is an aspiring actress. Nigel sees her pic as an ad. It’s a fresh photo. She really does look great.

Jessica’s next. ALT hates her shoes. They look skanky. She can’t believe that they’re criticizing her shoes, and she’s a little snotty about it. But on to the photo. She was a club girl. She looks lost, like she did a li’l too much X at the club. ALT thinks she looks like the girl next door who’s spoiled and you don’t want her in your posse becaus she’s going to make trouble. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I guess that’s why I’m not editor-at-large of Vogue.

Brenda has no energy in her shoot. Nigel thinks it’s too contrived, like an Ann Taylor ad. That cracks me up; Ann Taylor is gonna get you, Nigel! Nigel remarks that Brenda looks best when she’s looking off camera, and that she needs to learn how to look straight on at the camera, too.

Alasia was a model on her way to a go-see. She looks like a kid. Alasia didn’t think she put enough thought behind her character. ALT says that he still loves her, and she’s still in his salon, but this is her worst shoot to date, and he’d only ask the girl in this picture to visit his house. Wait, isn’t his salon in his house? I’m so disappointed by this news. I totally wanted to get invited to ALT’s salon and then sneak up to the master bedroom and roll around on the bed and ogle his shoes.

Anslee has an artist’s smirk. She looks like she has a secret. I bet it’s that her kid isn’t real. She just hired a family to have a story so that she could get on this show.

Alexandra. She was an Upper East Side girl. It’s a good pic, actually. She really does have a lovely face, even though she has no friends in the competition.

Angelea. This is her best picture ever. Nigel and ALT take turns complimenting her. Nigel says something about how she looks like she’s the person in the house that has it all together, and the girls behind her exchange looks. ALT totally catches it, and cracks up, “You got some haters on you, girlfriend!” Nigel tells the haters to watch out because this picture is really good.

Deliberations! The judges spew more French.

Raina. It’s a beautiful picture, but she’s too safe.
Krista. Her pic is dynamic. The judges love it; it’s incredible, and shows tremendous confidence.
Jessica. She is a know-it-all, and argumentative. ALT says that she has “fake confidence,” which were Angelea’s exact words to describe Jessica & Co. earlier. That amuses me to no end: ALT is as ghetto as Angelea!
Brenda. Nigel complains again that Brenda never looks directly at the camera.
Alasia. ALT says that he has cauldrons of love for Alaisa, but that this is her worst photo to date. She’s just not getting it as fast as the other girls, and that might not be fast enough to hang in the competition.
Anslee. She’s real, but ALT doesn’t think that her look sells Cover Girl.
Alexandra. The judges like her pic. It’ll probably be good enough to keep her in this week.
Angelea. Her pic is stunning; one of the best pictures of this competition. ALT raves. The judges have come to a decision.

The girls come back, and there can only be one winner amongst them.

The winner? It’s Angelea, who’s ecstatic that she finally won one. Good for her.

Runner up: Krista. Krista’s pic was pretty ossom. Like I said, she’s growing on me.

Raina
Alexandra
Anslee,
whose hair is very moppish today.
Jessica. The judges are less than impressed with her transformation from sweet girl next door to entitled brat, and Tyra makes sure that she knows it.

Brenda and Alasia step forward. Ugh, I really hope Brenda gets the boot. Her teeth, people, her teeth. Brenda didn’t embrace her haircut, but she’s a fighter. She doesn’t have the fire or desire. Her photos are decent, but not stellar. Alasia embraced dancing, but then she threw out the one thing she had going for her. She thought about nothing, and that’s what her film and photo look like: nothing. But one girl will get to stay while the other has to go. Who will it be?

Alasia is still in. She weeps with joy. Jessica rolls her eyes. Angelea smirks. Alasia loses it trying to hold in her tears. She can’t even talk.

Brenda is out. Tyra’s harem pantsuit is totally distracting me from Brenda’s booting. They make her look much wider than she is. Anyway, Brenda and her Laura Ingalls teeth are outta here.

Brenda hugs Jessica and Raina and then walks away. Brenda claims that she’s shocked that she got eliminated. I roll my eyes. She writes goodbye notes to Jessica and Raina. She then criticizes Angelea’s picture. Honey, if you can’t see that Angelea’s picture is better than yours, then you are just a sore loser. She disagrees with the judges’ decision, but she’ll respect it. Mostly because she has no choice but to respect it. What’s she gonna do, force her way back in?

Later, Brenda. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Next week: drag night. Alasia gets left behind for the photoshoot. Whatever shall she do? My guess is that it won’t be as big a deal as the teaser makes it out to be.

There was a good amount of drama this ep; things are finally cooking! We haven’t had a full-scale model war on the show in a while.

On to the rankings!

8. Brenda

America's Next Top Model

This isn't America's Next Top Grandma, apparently.

I’m so glad that Brenda’s out. She’s the last of the uglies whose looks I couldn’t stand on the show. I no longer have to watch in fear that I’ll be consumed by bad teeth. Seriously, she looks so old and awkward in this pic. Maybe she’s going for a Nola Ochs look.

You're never too old to learn!

7. Alasia

America's Next Top Model

I can't believe my mom let me take the subway by myself for the first time!

Alasia’s pic isn’t necessarily bad; it’s just unremarkable. And I actually blame most of that on the wardrobe. She’s supposed to be a model on her way to a go-see, but she looks more like a kid on her way to hang out with these cool new kids she met at her new school, who will probably end up offering her drugs and alcohol, and she’ll have to decide whether to try and fit in and take the drugs or stick with what her parents and teachers have taught her and just say no.

In short, her outfit here is ripped from an afterschool special, and it’s doing her no favors.

P.S. Don’t do drugs. They will mess you up.

6. Jessica

America's Next Top Model

If you think I look uncomfortable now, just wait until you see me dancing!

Jessica looks so uncomfortable, here. She looks like she was standing next to a friend, and the guy she has a crush on just walked up and she was super-excited because she thought he was going to ask her to dance, but he asked her friend instead, and now she’s trying to look like she’s happy for her friend, but she really just wants to get to the bathroom where she can cry until her mascara is making little black rivulets down her cheeks.

I don’t know what’s with all my stories, today. I think it’s because of the subway. I used to amuse myself by making up life stories for the people I saw on the ghettro on the way to work.

5. Anslee

America's Next Top Model

I totally just farted.

Anslee’s picture isn’t bad, necessarily. I like the idea of this picture, like she’s got a secret or something. Unfortunately, because of her eyebrows, it looks like an evil secret. But because of the way she’s dressed, it can’t be too evil.

My conclusion is that she farted, but everyone around her is blaming it on the homeless guy on the other side of the train. She turns to us to give us a knowing look, as though challenging us to think any different.

ALT was right — that doesn’t exactly sell Cover Girl. Instead, it reminds me of this:

4. Raina

America's Next Top Model

Pay no attention to my clothes. I am a model, not a rocker.

I have to agree with Jay Manuel that Raina’s overusing her hands. She’s wearing this hardcore rockabilly outfit, and she’s trying to wear it like it’s an Oscar de la Renta dress. That does not fly.

There’s no story for this one because the costuming is all wrong.

3. Alexandra

America's Next Top Model

Is this supposed to be the Upper East Side in the 40s?

First off, I think this is the highest Alexandra’s ever been in my rankings, so congratulations to her. That said, the costuming is a little puzzling to me — are there really people on the Upper East Side who dress like this? She looks like she’s on her way to the docks to welcome her sailor boyfriend home from his stint in Germany during WWII.

Her skin looks amazing, though.

2. Angelea

America's Next Top Model

And no one will ever know that I was the one who took the money!

This is definitely Angelea’s best picture to date. She looks poised, in control, flawless. But I think I would have liked it better if she’d been looking straight at the camera; generally speaking, I’d say that a direct look is better for a brand like Cover Girl. This picture, because she’s looking off to the side, looks like she’s just embezzled millions of dollars from her investment banking firm and is on her way home to pack and flee the country.

But of course things will go wrong and the whole affair will end in a Mexican standoff at JFK with her dying in a glorious hail of gunfire. Or so Brenda wishes, I bet.

1. Krista

America's Next Top Model

Easy, breezy, beautiful.

This is such a perfect Cover Girl shot. She’s looking directly at the camera, her expression is frank, but friendly, and she looks happy to be on a New York subway, which is no mean feat. Why an aspiring actress would be riding the subway in a pristine white dress is beyond me, but I don’t care when I look at this picture. All I know is that she looks great, and if I were Cover Girl, I would book her for an ad campaign immediately.

I actually liked the idea of this shoot in theory. I like anything that inspires me to make up stories. But I still wish that there had been a hobo.

Thoughts?

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4 Comments »

  1. T.J. Said:

    best recap ever!!!

  2. boo Said:

    Regarding ALT’s comment to Alasia:

    > ALT says that he still loves her, and she’s still in his salon, but this is her worst shoot to date, and he’d only ask the girl in this picture to visit his house.

    He was comparing her photos from previous weeks to the present photo, and I believe there’s one extra syllable that goes by too quickly on TV. What I believe he said is “I would have you in my salon from [for?] the first week, but THIS girl, I wouldn’t invite to my house”.


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