America’s Next Top Model, C14E08 Recap: “Welcome to New Zealand”

Sorry about the delay on this recap — I got distracted and couldn’t get to it until today! Now, on with the show!

Last week: Anslee got the boot! We discovered that the girls are going to New Zealand!

We join the action already in progress — the girls are headed to NZ!

Alexandra confesses that she deserved to be in the bottom last week. But she’s looking forward to starting over with a clean slate in NZ.

Krista gets to fly first class to NZ, and we are reminded she chose Angelea to fly with her.

Krista’s happy to get the #1 photo, but she’s determined that it won’t stop there.

The girls pack. Alasia says that other girls underestimated her because they think she’s stupid or something. Now, whatever would give them that idea?

Krista and Angelea lounge in first class, which looks ossom. I wanna fly first class so bad. It doesn’t even matter where. Although I wouldn’t mind Prague this time of year.

Jessica says that she thought NZ was “like, just above Canada or something.” Then she says it’s because she got married so young. Say what?? Did I forget that fact?? I seem to vaguely remember her mentioning something about getting pregnant her first time out the gate, but I just assumed that was either Anslee or Brenda, since they’re the only other girls who have mentioned having children every episode they were on.

In retrospect, I’m thankful that Jessica isn’t yammering on about her kid all the time, using her family as an excuse for being on the show. It’s clear that she’s here primarily for herself. At least she’s honest.

She goes on to explain that, once they land, they arrive in this field, and “there are tribal men there with these little butt-flaps.” Wow, Jessica. That is just so culturally sensitive and not offensive at all.

The Maori tribesmen do a traditional dance. It scares the crap out of Raina. The dance requires the men to waggle their tongues rapidly like Gene Simmons.

I wanna rock & roll all night!

They’re on a volcano that’s sacred to the Maori people. Jay Alexander and a judge from NZNTM (figure that out, geniuses) are there, and the judge gives the girls a short lesson on Maori culture and history. The look sooo interested.

Then Jay tells them that they’re going on go-sees — right now.

The girls are all shocked. “And we smell like yesterday! Just nasty,” quips Krista. The girls all hop into their cabs and screech off.

Angelea informs her cabbie that his country is beautiful. She sees all the other girls going to one place, and she informs us that she’s smarter than these other girls, so she’s going to beat them to all the go-sees. Somehow I doubt that.

Actually, they’re all dumb, so maybe that’s relatively true.

Raina sees Alexandra headed to a location and outruns her plus-sized booty. Alexandra’s furious, but she decides to hit a different location instead. And eat a whole pie by herself, later.

The designer hates Raina’s slow walk, but loves her face.

Alasia finds a location, and the designer loves her look. It’s swimwear and she’s got the body for it.

Alexandra runs into Krista because all of the girls had the same idea of starting with the last stop.

Angelea’s plan to head in a different direction than all of the other girls works out for her, and she’s shown up alone to a bunch of different designers. So far, they all love her, too.

Jessica’s designer thinks she’s too commercial.

A designer with a Miniature Schnauzer loved Krista. Aww, I used to have a Mini-Schnau. She was our first dog. I thought we’d get a big dog, like a German Shepherd, so I was sorely disappointed when we got to the breeder’s place to find all these toy dogs running around. But we learned to love her and named her after our neighbors’ dog, since they had a Mini-Schnau, too. She died when she was only two of canine parvovirus. Tootsie, I miss you!!

This isn't my dog, but you can imagine how adorably our Tootsie was, right? Right?

Enough with the schmaltz. On with the snark!

Some designers thought Alexandra was too casual. I guess “casual” means “chubby” in Kiwi.

Another designer says that Jessica is too commercial.

Krista gets to the swimwear. She’s walking for the designer when Raina walks in, so she decides to put on a little show for her. Raina was next, but her body “and her personality,” according to the designer, weren’t great. Ha!!

It’s raining cats and dogs in NZ, btw.

Angelea has hit five go-sees. She was one designer’s favorite girl of the day.

OOh, a designer slams Alexandra for wearing uggs and having bad skin. Hey, UGGs are from Australia! They’re your NEIGHBORS!! BE NICE, YOU KIWIS!!

Say "UGH" for UGGs!

Krista insults Alasia’s walk, “like she just wanna be holdin’ her purse at church and goin’, ‘Yes, Lord!'” Krista’s description is pretty freakin’ hilarious, and Alasia’s walk, it must be confessed, is pretty bad.

One designer finally loves Jess. She decides not to risk being late, so she heads back to the agency and is the first back.

Another designer loves Angelea. She made every single go-see AND got back on time, which has to be a Top Model first.

Alexandra makes it in just under the wire.

Krista is late — and guilty of sporting Ugly Headwrap #14. Angelea gloats over Krista’s tardiness and defends her smugness by insisting that Krista would probably be secretly pleased if Angelea was late. That’s probably true.

Raina’s also running late, so she decides to walk, which turns out to be a mistake because she gets looooost. In the rain, no less.

The girls laugh at a bedraggled Raina as she straggles in, soaked. She consoles herself that she’s not the very last. “But we all knew [Alasia] would be late.”

Alasia is late because she left her map at her last designer’s!! She ends up being forty-five minutes late. This is a girl after my own heart.

Sara Tetro is there, and she is the host of NZNTM. With her is Chris Sisarich, a judge on the show.

Can I just call it KNTM (K is for Kiwi)?

Krista won last week, though, so she still wins clothing from each of the designers. She screeches with glee, but her glee is short-lived when she hastily realizes that she’s still in the doghouse for being late. The three who were late don’t get any feedback from their go-sees and are kicked out of the room.

The on-time girls get feedback, though.

Jessica’s is not good. She booked one out of four, mostly because she didn’t have much personality and she looks too commercial.

Alexandra was not prepared and didn’t book any jobs. She looked sloppy and didn’t have any makeup on, which is a cardinal sin if you have bad skin. Yes, that rhymes. Write it down, suckas.

Angelea — who is sporting Ugly Headwrap #15 — did great. She booked all six go-sees, and she wins the challenge, no contest.

The girls go and see their new place. It’s pretty freakin’ sweet. The girls freak out accordingly. The girls with prizes see their prizes laid out in their new penthouse, and the other girls ooh and ahh politely.

The girls wake up the next morning, and Alasia’s sporting Ugly Headwrap #16. Man, those headwraps are rearing their ugly heads with a vengeance here in NZ.

There is an amazing rainbow arcing over the Pacific Ocean. ANTM sure got lucky with that. Man, that’s a beautiful shot.

Alasia’s eyes are opened to a world she never thought she’d see. It’s kinda sweet, how grateful she is to be there. I’m sure that this means she won’t be there for long.

Tyra Mail! “All we need is one. The rest is just fluff.” Krista postulates that they’ll be surrounded by sheep. And she’s actually right on, if last week’s teaser was any indication.

Jay Manuel pulls up in a tractor with a special guest — Nigel. Mmm, he can shoot my frames any day (Translation: Nigel Barker is one hott Brit).

Today, the girls will all be wearing the exact same dress. Their job is to stand out and look better than the other girls while modeling the same dress. The sheep are adorable. Nigel calls them “horny beasts.” That joke only works in America, Nigel.

Alasia’s got Ugly Headwrap #17, which is distinct from Wrap #16. It’s like she’s got something to prove with all the bad headgear.

Alexandra is comfortable with sheep. She actually does a good job. Nigel loves that she’s incorporating past feedback into her shoot. Jay compliments her on getting her spark back.

Jessica has a little trouble with the garment. She has trouble with the shoot, too. She’s having trouble working the dress, probably because she’s not jumping. Nigel thought she looked confused, and her eyes weren’t committed.

Alasia says that she’s trying to think about the scenery, but Nigel doesn’t believe her. She wants to look serene, but she just gives the same pose and same face the entire time. She tries to lie down and fails miserably. Nigel is not pleased.

Raina rocks it out. Nigel’s inspired. I am not underwhelmed, but not quite overwhelmed, either. I am whelmed (bonus points for you if you get that movie reference).

Angelea wants to sit on the sheep, and they chide her for the suggestion — “It’s a sheep, not a…” Jay can’t think of how to complete his sentence, so I complete it for him. Chair! Ottoman! Footstool! Oompa Loompa!

Oompa Loompa, boopity beep, in your photoshoot, don't sit on a sheep.

Nigel thought she took the shoot a little too literally. She tries some jumps, and it does not work. She’s frustrated. She cries.

Krista is terrified of the fluffy sheep. Krista just really wants not to go from the top last week to the bottom this week. Fortunately for her, she does a great job. She leans on the sheep, and the sheep is like, “Uh, no,” and walks away, heehee!! But she holds it together long enough for Nigel to be able to get the shot. She uses her fear of the sheep in her shoot, and Nigel praises her concentration.

And that’s a wrap!

Tyra Mail! Eliminations!

No one wants to be the first to leave NZ. Angelea is snappish and irritated because all the girls are asking each other how they thought they did. Obviously, she knows that she did not do well.

Tyra’s wearing an off-the shoulder top, which is a welcome relief from the ubiquitous pantsuits. Then, we go to a full-length shot that show that she IS INDEED wearing YET ANOTHER an ugly pantsuit. *sigh*

Sara Tetro is the guest judge. She owns 62 Model Management and is the host of NZNTM.

Raina’s first. Apparently, the sheep’s name was Prince.

And this is still a better look than Tyra's pantsuits.

Raina’s pic is gorgeous. Nigel praises her. There’s a story in the pic. The shot is universally praised.

Alasia’s next. This particular picture has drama, but Nigel informs her that she didn’t shoot well. Even ALT doesn’t have anything good to say in her defense this week.

Alexandra runway-walks to the judges. She interacted wtih the sheep. Nigel calls it “dressitude, not dreckitude.” The shot is pretty darned good. Tyra calls her “Alexandre,” which is the masculine form of the name, I believe. That’s either a subtle jab at Alexandra’s masculine jawline or just Tyra displaying her ignorance. Either way:

Jessica’s next, and Nigel admits that her body is extraordinary, but her face is awful. ALT thinks she lucked out with the wind and the drama of the dress, and Sara doesn’t like the pic at all because she’s “not into armpits.”

Krista gets a compliment from ALT on her outfit at panel. Nigel praises her shot to the skies. So does the rest of the panel. Tyra calls it “a tornado of loveliness,” and I agree. It’s amazing.

Angelea is the challenge winner. ALT congratulates her and then promptly calls her dress “dreckitude.” Angelea stammers that it’s an Emma Ford dress that she won as part of her challenge. Emma Ford promptly goes out of business because ALT didn’t like their dress.

Tyra tries to smooth over her show’s insult to the designer by saying that the dress is okay for the club, but not panel. Angelea says, “I’m so glad you said ‘club,’ Tyra,” and tries to demonstrate how she imagined wearing it to the club in “slo-mo” — she awkwardly mimes entering a room in slo-mo and waves to imaginary friends. Nigel looks at her blankly and says that he totally doesn’t get it. It’s pretty awful.

And Angelea’s picture’s just so boring. Tyra said that Nigel’s composition was amazing, and he gave that to her, but she didn’t give back.

Deliberations. She says that the girls will come back for “eliminacion.” So is Spanish the new French, Tyra? Is Alexandre going to be Alejandro when she gets back?

Raina was a delight to photograph, according to Nigel.
Alasia didn’t work in this photo. Nigel wanted her to be his muse, but she’s “not even amusing.” Groan.
Alexandra has great “inhale” in her photo. Way to suck in that gut, girl.
Jessica was quite depressing, according to Nigel. She’s boring.
Krista is Naomi Sims. She is amazing. She took advantage of Prince. I’m sure Prince was feeling violated in a delightful way.

Somehow, I doubt that Krista will get to be as iconic as Ms. Sims. But that doesn't mean her picture wasn't amazing, because it was.

Angelea was all about what the gown could do and not what she could do. Sara adds that she was traumatized by Angelea’s “club” intro. Me, too, Sara. Me, too.

Eliminations! There are only five photos in Tyra’s hands, yo.

Best picture this week is: it had better be Krista. Is it? It is! You go, girl. She totallly deserves it.

Alejandro is the runner-up, followed by:


Tyra takes a moment to address Angelea’s “dejected manner.” FINALLY. It’s about time someone addressed that. It’s so depressing to see her looking like somebody died every week, just because she’s getting critiqued.

Jessica and Alasia step forward. Alasia lacks focus, but has so much potential. Her body is there, but her brain isn’t (hee). Jessica is pretty, and occasionally pulls out a pretty picture. But then she also pulls out some whomp-whomp pictures, as Alasia would say.

Remember this?

But who’s still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model?

Jessica is in. She cries in relief. She promises to practice making scary faces every night for an hour. Five-year-olds all over the country are eaten up with jealousy.

Alasia is sad, but she’s super-composed, which makes me proud of her. Aww, my li’l baby’s all growns up. She hugs everyone — possibly the first time this season that that’s happened. She leaves with her head held high.

WOW, they show a “before” picture of Alasia, and girlfriend has come a loooong way. She’s been empowered and is more confident. I actually believe that this has been a positive experience for her. That’s kinda sad.

Next week: Tyra’s going to play photographer! Actually, Tyra has a way of bringing out the best in most of the girls, so that might be a good thing. We shall see.

And now: RANKINGS!

6. Alasia

America's Next Top Model

Looking back on a good run.

Alas, poor Alasia. Unfortunately, I have to agree with the judges that Alasia’s time had come. It’s become clearer every week that she’s continually getting in over her depth, and it was only a matter of time before she got the ax. But it seems to me that she really did learn a lot from this experience, and I hope she goes back to Marietta a little more motivated to make something of herself.

I’ll see you in ALT’s salon, girl.

5. Angelea

America's Next Top Model


I think it’s pretty clear that the only reason Angelea wasn’t in the bottom two this week was because of her admittedly stellar showing in the challenge. This picture is clearly hot buttered crap on toast. She looks like she’s stretching on a windy day in an amazing gown. The judges got it completely right when they said that the dress was doing all the work. The best part of this photo is fat, adorable Prince. He is working that camera (and his cud) and making us take notice of his massive woolliness.

4. Jessica

America's Next Top Model

Oh, woe is me!

Jessica’s pic was nothing to scream about, either. Her pose is so contrived and traditionally “modelly” here. But I do think that she had better use of Prince in this picture, without letting him take it over, so I had to give her a little credit for that. But, man alive, is she ever boring!!

3. Raina

America's Next Top Model

I guess someone got lost on the way to the ball.

This picture was certainly better than the bottom three, but I didn’t think it was all that. Her body’s actually kinda boring to me, even though her face is pretty amazing. And she isn’t using Prince at all. In fact, you can’t even see all of him. He’s just grazing away behind that log, and if you hadn’t been told that was a sheep, you’d be, like, “What the heck is that??” Meh.

2. Alexandra

America's Next Top Model

Waiting to exhale?

This has got to be Alexandra’s best picture to date. She looks absolutely amazing — not like herself at all. Which speaks volumes about the rest of her portfolio. But she finally broke out of the middle of the pack, so good for her. There’s all kinds of movement and emotion in this photo. Her hands are great. She’s using Prince beautifully. And she’s proving that black can be very slimming. You go, girl. You go.

My only teeny, tiny nitpick is that the garment doesn’t look its best. It still looks good, but not it’s very best, which brings us to…

1. Krista

America's Next Top Model

Now, that's high fashion!

Now that Alasia’s out, I have to choose a new girl to root for, and Krista earned that spot a few episodes back when I decided that A. Alasia wasn’t going to last much longer, and B. Krista is ossom. This pic is absolutely stunning in so many ways. Her face is amazing. Her body is amazing. The way she’s working the dress is amazing. Even Prince looks like he’s kind of her bodyguard or something here. When Prince recognizes your ossomness, you know you’re rockin’ the photoshoot.

So those were my thoughts. What did you think?

1 Comment »

  1. […] eye roll, photos, raina, rosie cotton, sara mcleod, shadow, tina fey, tyra banks, world design } Last week: The girls got to New Zealand and went on go-sees. ALT’s salon princess, Alasia, got the […]

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