Last week: The girls got to New Zealand and went on go-sees. ALT’s salon princess, Alasia, got the boot.
Who’s gettin’ the boot this week?
Raina congratulates the rest of the girls for making the Top Five. She is sooo fake.
Alexandra says she needs to take out all of these “skinny tarts.” She inexplicably says she’s like Donkey Kong. Draw your own inferences there.
Jessica knows that she needs to work harder to look “more fierce.” Good luck with that, catalog honey.
Krista’s picture is up in the hamsters’ apartment. The other girls are clearly jealous as Krista cheers for herself.
Krista declares: “I’m gonna run right past ’em and throw a deuce up at ’em.” Uh, I hope she means a peace sign and not the deuce I’m thinkin’ of.
Angelea can’t understand why Krista keeps getting #1. She says she’s not as close to Krista as she used to be, and she thinks it’s because the competition’s getting more serious. Uh, you think? Could it be possible that you guys are hating on each other because you don’t want your friend to get what you want so badly?
It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that a competition ruined a friendship. Not that I’d call a relationship formed on ANTM a “friendship,” really.
Jessica starts talking about the fam. I guess that means she’s getting the boot this week. She talks about missing them and, in an attempt to get more of a “homey” feeling in the loft, she decides to make tacos for everyone.
Jessica tries to warm taco shells on top of the toaster and ends up starting a fire. The girls freak out. If this weren’t such an obviously staged fire, they would all sooooo be dead.
Krista and Alexandra, who are suddenly BFF, mercilessly tease Jessica for failing to make tacos without starting a ginormo fire. Jessica will never try to cook again. Sorry, husband and child. You’ll have to either get super-skinny from not eating or super-fat from eating out all the time.
Krista grills Jessica about not cooking at home. She says that she just makes side dishes. Krista asks her if she works, and she admits that she’s a stay-at-home mom. Yet, she doesn’t cook. Krista and Alexandra seem to think that a mom must have plenty of time to cook every day because taking care of a baby is easy! Morons.
“Your baby is totally screwed,” comments Krista. Alexandra calls her an idiot. It’s quite ignorant and mean. But Jessica is also ignorant and occasionally mean, so that’s moot.
Tyra Mail! “Who says you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole? Love Tyra!”
They don’t understand what this means, and Raina recites it from memory as they drive to the site. “My name is Raina and I know everything word for word,” mimics Alexandra in a high-pitched voice. Krista and Alexandra are totally antagonizing the rest of the girls., and I’m sure it’s going to eventually bite one of them in the butt. It’ll probably be Alexandra. There’s so much more of her butt to bite, you see.
Raina used to be an ugly kid and then found volleyball and became competitive. How that makes sense to anyone, only Raina knows. She says that NZ’s beauty is going to keep her from taking all the teasing to heart.
The girls get to visit Hobbiton, and I am super-jealous. “Look at all the poop!” cries one of the girls.
Jay Manuel meets them at the Hobbiton movie set. It is beautiful. Sara McLeod is there to help judge the challenge. She played Hobbit Rosie Cotton (that cute hobbit that Samwise Gamgee has a crush on) in Lord of the Rings.
Angelea has never seen it. She’s officially more clueless than Jessica. Ms. McLeod has the strongest Kiwi accent of all time.
The girls each get five frames to pose in the doorway of the hobbitholes.
The outfits that the girls will be wearing are from World Design.
Alexandra starts. She says that she’s not about to let her being plus-sized get in her way. No, that only gets in the way when she’s trying to tie her shoes.
Krista recognizes that she and Angelea have drifted apart. She thinks it’s because of the competition. It probably is. “Yay, me!” is quickly becoming Krista’s favorite catch phrase.
Angelea rolls her eyes.
Jessica is screwing up royally. She’s too literal and has no energy. Her shoot is too commercial. Alexandra says: “Like, I thought I was looking at a Dillard’s catalog.” I’m sure that she’s the only one of these girls who has ever seen a Dillard’s catalog.
Raina has to wear the most awful green pants. She says she’s inspired by the scenery. She is such a fake.
Alexandra was too pinup-y in her shoot.
Raina’s use of the space wasn’t comfortable.
Jessica was too standard.
Angelea’s was simple, but it worked.
Krista’s length in her arms and neck. Krista thinks Angelea needs to learn that there’s no way she can win this competition. Subtle.
Angelea’s sure that this is her redemption. She threatens to light Krista on fire. Like Jessica’s tacos?
The winner get $3,000 worth of clothes from World Design. And the prize goes to Krista. Since she also got best photo last week, she actually gets an extra $1,500 on top of the $3,000. Angelea is furious. Krista gloats shamelessly. Just a little sensitivity, hon. You’ve gotta know when to stop.
“Yay, me!” hits us again.
Angelea snits, “I don’t care. She can keep them clothes. I’ll buy new clothes when I get that contract.”
Back at the ranch, Krista and Alexandra mock Angelea’s “club thing” last week.
It’s okay, Nigel. I still don’t get it, either.
Angelea, sporting Ugly Headwrap #17, complains about the teasing and insists that she was just trying to have fun. Krista has no sympathy for her because Angelea dished out plenty of mocking to the other girls, and now that she’s the target of the teasing, she suddenly thinks that others should pull punches with her. She has a point.
Angelea tries not to let it affect her because she “grew up on [sic] Buffalo.” Apparently, the schools in Buffalo aren’t the best. She says that she refuses to let the other girls get to her. Looks like it’s a little too late for that.
Tyra Mail! “If you want to be a true top model, you might have to shadow one.”
The girls have no idea what this means, and Jessica ventures a guess. Krista calls Jessica’s guess lame, and then calls Jessica lame and walks off. That was just a touch unnecessarily belligerent. Jessica gets all wide-eyed and hurt. She misses her fam and wishes she could go home just for a day and then fly right back. I’m thinking that she’s going back to be with them on a more permanent basis.
Alexandra complains about Raina’s fakeness to Krista. Krista says that she just focuses on her shoot and that, with a little practice, Alexandra can, too. Considering how mean Krista’s been this episode, I was surprised to see her being so diplomatic in private.
It’s a good thing she was diplomatic because Raina chooses that moment to interrupt them. “Morning, glories!” she chirps perkily over the balcony railing. “Oh, Mylanta!” she gushes. Alexandra is totally right about Raina.
Jay Manuel meets the girls at a vineyard. He informs them that they literally plant the vines so that the grapes get maximum light for ripening. The girls will have to find the light in a lot of shadows.
“Because you never know what lurks in the shadows!” interrupts a voice from around the corner. It’s Tyra! RUN!!
She’s shooting a shadow-shoot with the girls. Apparently, she’s always wanted to do this shoot, and she tells them, “You get to be my lucky specimens.” Seriously, RUN, girls!!
They’ll be playing with shadows. They’re looking for the light in each shot. There will be mud in the girls’ hair, for no discernible reason.
The girls are excited and nervous about shooting with Tyra. “Yo, Tyra cool as hell,” Angelea informs us.
Tyra walks into hair and makeup and tells the girls to start thinking about “shadows, secrets, what are you hiding?” The other girls practice, but Jessica just stares blankly at herself in the mirror. She’s totally psyching herself out.
The girls get clay in their hair, and Alexandra goes first. She’s supposed to find the light through the shadow, but there doesn’t seem to be much shadow to me, since the “shadow” is being formed by a lace tablecloth being held above her. She needs to “find the light through the fabric.” Seems to be plenty of light to me.
Tyra wants her to get more “danger” in her face, and gives her a whole story to think about. Tyra loved shooting Alexandra. She had a runny nose and kept sniffling. I bet that helps with the “inhale” in her photos.
Jessica is next, and she suddenly can’t stop talking about her fam. She’s so outta here.
Jessica is “a sweet girl with a secret,” according to Tyra. But her shoot too commercial and she can’t get too angry and weird. She’s quite boring. She can’t do “ugly-pretty” or weird. But then Tyra tells her to get all sexy and she finally gets it.
Angelea says that she’s sure that all the fake friendship in the house is going to stop. That is a surprise to no one.
Jay tells Raina to find the same love for last week’s dress for this week’s panties. Because that’s all she’s going to be wearing.
Tyra had been looking forward to shooting Raina’s “wolf eyes,” but was disappointed. “She gave me Siberian Husky, but not wolf.”
Alexandra exults that “Raina’s finally — FINALLY! — starting to go downhill.” And that’s not petty at all.
Raina’s finished and gives Tyra a naked hug. Weeeiiiird.
Angelea’s determined to do well because she sucked last week. Her shoot is boring. She’s too “high school portrait,” according to Tyra. Tyra tries to motivate her by telling her, “You’re tired and hot and you’ve got a secret.” What’s with Tyra and the secrets?
Angelea was “sweet soft and blah.” Tyra told her to just be dead, and she finally got it. Because dead face is just second nature to Angelea.
The sun is quickly setting. They’re losing light for Krista’s shoot. Krista wants to try soft and pretty instead of mean. They’re chasing the light. Tyra wants more cheetah from Krista. “You’re a cheetah with a secret!” Tyra is seriously obsessed.
Krista gets it and turns out some amazing photos.
Raina says that everyone had a good shoot today. Uh, did she not hear any of the criticisms? I heard plenty. She’s so fake.
The girls all still have mud iin their hair as they ride home on the bus.
Tyra mail! Eliminations!
Raina doesn’t want to go home. DUH.
Panel! Sara McLeod is the guest judge this week. Tyra tells us that she was in Lord of the “Rangs”. “That’s how you say it in Inglewood! Holla!” Okay, okay, you rose up to your fame from the ghetto. We get it.
Nigel tells Alexandra that she looks great. This baffles me, as she is wearing a tank top that makes her look just like a tank. But her shot is beautiful. Nigel totally gets what Tyra was trying to do with the sense of wonder in the photo. I fear for his sanity. ALT praises Tyra’s creativity. Just as I’m about to complain that this panel has degenerated into “All Praise Tyra Time,” ALT chimes in that he thinks Alexandra looks almost ethnic, like she’s from Istanbul. That would make her Turkish, no, ALT?
And of course the mention of Istanbul immediately makes me think of this:
I loved “Tiny Toons.”
Raina’s pic is rather dark. Her face is too angry. Tyra actually likes the anger because it’s different from Raina’s usual shots. Tyra didn’t feel any passion in the shoot though.
Angelea is wearing a beautiful dress that she won from last week’s challenge and then she promptly ghettos it up by striking a goofy pose.
The photo is calm, but the close-up isn’t that good, though. Nigel gives her some good advice about looking beyond the camera in a shot. Kinda like following through in golf or tennis or baseball or even bowling.
Jessica is unenthusiastic, but Sara McLeod is interested by her pic. ALT thinks it’s pretty, but he’s at a loss for words as to explain why he disapproves of the pic, and he asks Nigel for help. Nigel simply says that she doesn’t have enough intensity. We can’t see past the shadow to her.
Krista, on the other hand found perfect light and her profile is gorgeous. ALT thinks her shot is cover-quality. Tyra loved her variety. At this rate, if she doesn’t win this cycle, it’ll be a complete shock.
Alexandra. Nigel loves the picture. “Thank you,” gushes Tyra. Uh, I think he was trying to compliment Alexandra, Tyra. ALT loves her “ethnic” look. If ALT were white, people would probably accuse him of being racist.
Raina. ALT didn’t like this at all. He saw all anger and not beauty. She didn’t push.
Angelea. Nigel noticed that her body is much better because she’s on the ground, and it forces her to relax her shoulders. But her eyes were lost.
Jessica. The picture didn’t do anything for anybody. But she does have a lot of enthusiasm on set, which is a plus. But her face and passion aren’t strong enough to model high concept.
Krista. ALT thinks it’s totally vu, whatever that means.
The judges have made their decision.
The usual spiel. Only four photos in her hands, you know.
So who’s this week’s winner?
Krista. No surprise there. But she has the tact to act somewhat surprised.
Runner-up is Alexandra, and she actually really deserves it. But, man, she looks bigger than ever at panel this week.
Angelea is third. She doesn’t seem quite so dejected this week, which is a plus, I suppose.
Jessica and Raina step forward. Jessica totally knows she’s out.
But let’s go through the pleasantries, shall we? Jessica is so sweet, so pretty — so commercial. It’s a money-maker, but not a career-maker. But if she concentrates she can be edgy. Raina knows how to evoke romance and renaissance and couture, but falls flat when it comes to edge. So who’s still in the running?
Raina’s in. That’s no surprise. Tyra was excited to shoot Raina, but was disappointed. The camera inexplicably cuts to Jessica as Tyra critiques Raina.
She moves on to Jessica, our ousted hamster. “Commercial is the kiss of death on this show,” Tyra says, but she encourages Jessica to prove the judges wrong. Jessica hugs Raina and Angelea and takes her leave.
She’s excited to see her family and is determined to move to California or New York to continue to pursue her modeling career. Uh, good luck with that, husband and baby. Because, obviously, what’s best for YOU doesn’t matter at all.
Next week on the show: The Final Four get a surprise at the photoshoot. TWO will be eliminated!! And the final two will stomp it out on the runway for the win. Next week is the two-hour cycle finale!! Blessed release!
And now it’s time for RANKINGS!
So, the stupid CW hasn’t posted all the pix, yet, so I’m going to have to go blanksies on some of these until they’re posted.
There’s no question that Jessica earned the boot that gently helped her out the door this week. This pic is largely unremarkable — except for the fact that her eyes are rolled so far back in her head that I’m surprised she’s not hemorrhaging. I think I can see where her optic nerve attaches to her eyeball.
I think she’s trying for one of these:
Fail. On so many different levels.
I could not for the life of me understand how Angelea beat Raina out of the Bottom Two this week. I didn’t think Raina’s pic was spectacular by any stretch of the imagination, but Angelea’s was so boring. The only thing saving her from being the bottom pic for me is the fact that her eye-position isn’t giving me a headache or aneurysm.
But that’s hardly a compliment, now, is it?
Raina really just looked bored in this picture. She’s supposed to look fierce, but all I’m getting from her is the kind of stare the cool kids in school would give me in middle school when I ventured to volunteer an answer in class. You know, like: “Is she seriously going to try and talk in class?? Who is this loser, anyway?”
SHUT IT, RAINA! I’M JUST AS GOOD AS YOU!!
This is a good pic. Granted, I think Alexandra lucked out with a very soft shadow, whereas most of the other girls had to work with some crazy shadows. But her soft look with the soft shadow and the soft light is just so soft and pretty that it makes me want to cuddle up with some down comforters and just look at this picture until I fall asleep on a cloud.
And since this is just a face shot, she doesn’t look plus-sized at all. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it works in her favor in this shot.
Despite the fact that the shape of the shadows are uncomfortably reminiscent of a swastika to me, this picture is absolutely amazing. Despite the harsh shadows, her face looks soft. It’s clear that she’s looking up, but not hard enough to have a stroke over it (take note, Jessica). Her pose is simple, but that’s good, since it doesn’t compete with the complex shadows playing over her face.
(By the way, this is totally unrelated, but this video spoof of Inglourious Basterds cracked me up.)
So that’s my take. What did you think?