Posts Tagged ‘lindsay lohan’

America’s Next Top Model, C14E10 Recap: “Ugly-Pretty Woman”

Aww, it’s hard to believe that the cycle is already over. But it’s also kind of a relief, to be honest. This cycle was only moderately fun. I guess I might be outgrowing the show. Awww.

But on with the show!

Last week: Jessica was eliminated!

Raina, Angelea, Krista, and Alexandra will remain. Two will be eliminated in the first hour!

Krista has been best pic three weeks in a row, so she’s feeling a lot of pressure to keep up the good work.

The girls all freak out about being in the Final Four.

Alexandra is disappointed that she hasn’t been called first, yet. My guess is that she never will be. However, she is inexplicably confident that she will be in the Top TWo.

She says that she’s always telling everyone that you have to be a lot more to be a plus-sized model. My guess is about fifty to sixty pounds more.

She claims that when you hire a plus-sized model, that you know you’re getting tons of personality, tons of confidence, and someone who wants to be themselves. What a great deal! No wonder every designer is taking advantage of the ossom opportunity to get more confidence and personality for the same price!

Alexandra cannot stand Raina. The girls are out on the balcony and Raina, pretending to be a reporter, shoves an invisible microphone in Alexandra’s face and asks, “How does it feel to be America’s Next Top Model?” Alexandra wordlessly slaps Raina’s hand away. Hilarious!!

There’s a montage of Raina dancing around and screaming, “FINAL FOUR!!” about a billion times.

Alexandra is not alone. “Maybe she can ride her strong face through to win it,” Alexandra muses.

“I knew you would,” says Krista.

“Really?” fawns Raina, thinking somebody’s finally being nice to her.

“Yeah,” deadpans Krista, “that face.” She says it with a hint of disgust. It is perfect. Boy, the editing works. I totally want Krista to win.

Raina explains that the rest of the girls just can’t handle the fact that they can’t rattle her. She believes that her story is that of the ugly duckling who found volleyball. “And modeling,” she hastily tacks on.

Angelea feels like the underdog. It’s been a while since she’s had a win, and everyone else seems to be on a hot streak. But she says she’ll be darned (edited!) if Krista wins. “America’s ready to see somebody like me be Top Model,” she insists. I’ll be darned if that’s true.

ALT visits the girls with armloads of flowers. That’s sweet!

Krista’s nervous because the girls are all in their “house clothes” and she’s afraid of being called “dreckitude.”

ALT gives them primers on how to act with designers of different nationalities.

Krista asks about the origins of “dreckitude.” ALT simply defines “dreck” and leaves it at that.

The rest is sadly boring. Except for the fact that he used to lick stamps for Andy Warhol (not a euphemism) and lived at the YMCA “with the real cockroaches and the human cockroaches.”

"Lick my stamps."

Angelea feels that she and ALT understand each other because she, too, came from the gutter.

ALT gives them a few last words of encouragement and then doles out hugs and kisses. I am jealous.

Tyra Mail! “Time to get ready for a different kind of runway. Pack an overnight bag. Love, Tyra.” Cue Raina screams.

The girls get to the airport, where Jay meets them. They’re going to Queenstown for a photoshoot on “diverse terrain.”

Raina’s looking forward to showing everyone how great she is, by which she simply means “better than Krista.”

The girls are on the plane and a voice comes over the PA. It’s Jay Alexander. Both Jays are there.

They are going to have to stomp down the aisle of an airplane in flight, passengers and all. It’s a runway challenge!

Please, it’s not like it’s a train or a boat. Planes aren’t nearly as unstable.

Boh Runga jewelry is the prize. Krista says that the prize is amazing. I doubt she has ever heard of Boh Runga.

Hmm, cute.

The girls are supposed to show their personalities, as Tyra has often done.

Alexandra gushes that she has heels in her bag — she’s a model that’s prepared!!

Krista hilariously confesses that she wanted to punch Alexandra in the throat. “Are you guys gonna wear your heels??” she squawks in imitation of Alexandra.

It just gets better and better. Angelea only has one heel. I once flew to Ireland with a pair of heels in my suitcase and, when I landed, there was only one left. I bet Angelea has found my other Enzo Angiolini pump.

I know it's out there somewhere.

Alexandra goes first. She walks down the aisle, grabs a pair of sunglasses, puts them on like Horatio Caine and keeps walking. Jay Manuel comments that she’s trying, but it was a little stiff.

"Alexandra must have been bad (*puts on sunglasses*) because it looks like she wants to get Cained." YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

She reaches the end of the runway and mimics a flight attendant pointing out the exit doors. But fiercer! It’s actually kinda cute, though. On her return to the front of the cabin, she keeps stopping to pose, and Jay Alexander does not approve. I will say that she looks like she had a good time.

Jay Alexander pushes her, and tells her to be playful. She doesn’t think she can go as nuts as Alexandra, but keeps a smile on her face and puts on sunglasses. “I love how she’s working her little jacket,” comments Jay Manuel. I think they like her.

Manuel calls Angelea “Miss My Left Foot,” and tells her she’s up. She is wearing one heel, and her walk is so super-janky. Raina judges her for not taking the challenge seriously. Krista’s commentary is the best; she says, “Child, she look like she just came up off the street, like, ‘Ha! Yes. Yes. You, too, boo; don’t forget about me.” Jay Alexander mimics her. Ooh, that was bad.

Raina shows no personality. She just flips her hair. Jay Manuel says she walks like a linebacker. Raina shows us how out of touch she is with reality by complimenting her own walk, saying that she was really fun and flirty and engaged the audience. I’m sure that the other passengers are just like, “What the??? And where is that stewardess with my pretzels and cranberry juice?”

Jay Manuel comments on each of the girls.

Alexandra took their advice, but stopped and started too much.

Raina didn’t bring the grace and elegance of her photos to her walk.

Angelea doesn’t handle new tasks well. She’s not like a model.

Jay Alexander comments on Krista’s walk and tells her that she needs to take longer steps.

There can only be one winner. It’s Krista. Duh. She acts all shocked, but she had to have known that she would win.

The other passengers applaud listlessly. Seriously, what do you have to do to get an extra blanket around here?

Alexandra is upset. She feels like she’s putting so much into it, but just can’t win. “I don’t handle losing well at all,” she admits. That explains why she just keeps gaining! ZING!!

They arrive in Queenstown and drive an hour away. NZ is so freakin’ beautiful I can hardly stand it.

Jay Manuel tells us that Queenstown got its name from this beauty, because it’s “fit for a queen.” Where’s Jay Alexander, then?

The photoshoot will focus on the “ugly-pretty” look that Tyra’s always blathering on about. The landscape will be the pretty, and the girls will provide the ugly. My head explodes trying to calculate which joke I should insert here.

Then Jay drops the bomb that two of them will go home at this elimination.

Angelea comments, “That is some drama fo you a$$.” Lordy me, I hope that Angelea gets dropped.

Jay sends the girls off to hair and makeup, calling after them, “Watch the sheep poop!”

This shoot is going to be super-editorial, which I love. I think I love ugly-pretty.

Alexandra’s nervous about the double elimination.

Krista quips: “At the end of the day, I’m not gonna be happy is Angelea makes America’s Next Top Model.” Oh, Krista, you are a delight.

Jay loves Krista off the bat. She’s rockin’ it out. Jay comments that her eyes are the only part of her that are still trying to give “soft, serene, and pretty.” Krista explains that she tried to give a variety of different looks. She feels like she got a great shot, but isn’t sure if it’ll be enough to put her in the Top Two.

Angelea’s wearing a corset, and it’s tight. “I don’t see how they wore those back in the day, trying to be cute.”

Alexandra is also wearing a corset. The stylist says she looks like “George Washington’s wife.” Uh, that would be Martha.

She does bear a remarkable resemblance to Alexandra.

Alexandra says that it’s been a while since a plus-sized model won ANTM. Uh, it wasn’t that long ago.

"Hi, there, remember me?" That was only Cycle 10.

The photographer stops to direct her a bit. Jay tells her that what she’s doing is beautiful, but not quite edgy enough. He wants her to get uglier. She does, and the results are satisfactory.

Raina shows up in an amazing tulle gown. Jay talks to Raina about her weakness: she doesn’t like to step outside the box. She needs to step it up a notch.

Her shots are pretty, but not ugly or edgy enough. She just doesn’t seem to get it. He tells her she’s still trying to control herself too much. Jay tells her she took his direction well, but he wishes she could find a way to step out of her standard box of poses.

Angelea is determined to do what she wants to do and not overthink it. Her looks are too blandly sweet. Jay complains that she’s just giving him “model.” He wants more anger and intensity. “Jay be callin’ my a$$ out,” laughs Angelea. He asks her if she gets what he means by “ugly-pretty.” She says it makes her mad when he gives her negative feedback, and she wishes she could tune him out. That’s called “not taking criticism well,” honey.

She claims to understand, but it is clear that she does not. She finally gets a few awkward and cool shots. Jay can tell she’s not comfortable with him pushing her, though. He reminds her of how she pulled it out of nowhere for the Cover Girl subway shoot. He asks her what she did that night. “The honest answer?” she asks.

He asks for the honest answer. She replies that she was tired of him harping on her all the time. He tells her that she needs to find a place where she can say, “I’m doing this for me.” That doesn’t make a lick of sense.

“I did all I can do,” shrugs Angelea.

The girls return to the loft to find Krista’s prizes on the dining room table. “Yay, me!” rears its ugly head again.

She gets $2,000 worth of jewelry from Boh Runga. Since she got best pic last week, she also gets an additional $1,000. If I were here, I would totally sell it. I’m just like that; I’d rather have the money. This coming from someone who wrote for a jewelry blog for a year.

Raina complains that Krista only cares about herself. What, just because she won a ginormo prize and didn’t offer to share it with you? The grapes. They is sour.

Tyra Mail! Eliminations!

Krista feels sick to her stomach. She doesn’t want to go back to being a store manager.

Alexandra’s nervous. All she’s ever wanted is to be a model, and everyone’s always told her, “No, no, no” because she doesn’t have the body type.

Angelea is also nervous.

Raina is sure that Krista will be in the Top Two. She just hopes to be there with her. That actually raises an interesting question. I’m sure that Krista will make it, and I’m fairly certain that Angelea will not. So the big question is not “who will win?” I’m sure that’s going to be Krista. What I really want to know is: Who will be runner up?

Panel! Tyra is afflicting us with yet another awful jumpsuit. She is SO trying to make “fetch” happen.


That is so fetch!

The guest judge is Jay Manuel.

There will be a double elimination, and the finalists will be “stomping to the death” in an Anna Sui fashion show. That’s actually kind of a big deal; Anna Sui’s a big-name designer.

Of course Tyra has to mention that she walked in an Anna Sui show when she was “just a little young’un like y’all.”

Oh, the jumpsuit. The agony, the agony!

Raina is first. Her best shot is… okay, I guess. It looks like a still from a period film. It’s supposed to be ugly-pretty, and I think that’s mostly accomplished by her eyebrows. Jay mentions that she struggled on set because she was so fixated on being pretty-pretty. Tyra didn’t think she succeeded in getting out of the box.

Angelea is next. Tyra compliments her dress, which was from her go-see challenge win. ALT tells her that she has a wardrobe that will last her for seasons. Jay tells her that she wasn’t very creative. She looks very uncomfortable in the photo. That’s not “ugly-pretty,” IMO. ALT likes the pic because she looks so ethnic. What’s with ALT and the “ethnic” comments? Tyra likes the pic because she looks so haunted in the pic. She’s haunted by her looming elimination, IMO. Jay goes back to the Cover Girl shoot again and tells her she can recapture that because the power comes from within her. Meh.

Krista’s next, and the judges applaud her challenge win and her look at panel. She does look great. Her shot is freakin’ amazing. She’s totally going to win. Tyra loves the androgyny of her face. “This could be a dude!” she gushes. Heehee! ALT is emotional. He thinks the photo is exceptional. He exclaims that she could book John Galliano with this pic. His voice breaks a little as he tells her, “You have no idea how beautiful this is to me.” Jay compliments how she stepped up to the creativity of the set. Tyra tells her that she created space so that we can see the background through certain body parts. Throughout her critique, we see shots of the other girls standing there, looking forlorn as Krista is praised to the skies. They totally know that they can’t catch her, now. It’ll be a fight to the finish for second place.

Alexandra is up. Her pic is… interesting. Nigel thinks it looks like a still from a movie, which might not be a great thing. Jay thinks she swung a little too far and got “ugly-ugly” instead of “ugly-pretty.” Tyra likes that she’s playing with her hand. ALT sees something in her face that projects personality.

Deliberations! Nigel says this feels like final eliminations. Tyra and Jay both agree. I think it’s because they all know Krista’s going to win, so it’s a nail-biter to figure out who’s going to be runner-up.

Raina. Nigel thinks she’s really blossomed, and he sees real talent emerging. Jay thinks she’s an undeniable beauty who takes direction well, but she might not have the versatility because of her “laser focus” on what she thinks she needs to be. ALT says she seems to want to be there, but he doesn’t get an emotional response from her that he’s seen in others.
Krista. ALT has never seen any dreckitude from her, and she’s consistently listened, learned, watched, and observed. Her latest photo shows the height of her growth. “From dreck to the trek,” quips Tyra. Jay says that she focuses so much on her body that she struggles the most with her face. She’s usually lacking in expression, and it’s almost time for that Cover Girl shoot.
Alexandra. Nigel thinks she has one of the best plus-sized shapes he’s seen in a long time. She’ll get work in plus-sized modeling industry. Jay says that she’s always aware of her angle and eyeline to the camera. She can work that body. Tyra thinks she’s stunning. She’s sweet and nice, but Tyra doesn’t know who she is. ALT agrees.
Angelea. Jay says that she’s always like, “I’m here. What you want me to do, boo?” but then doesn’t do it. ALT thinks she needs exposure, travel, and meeting other types of people. Jay asks ALT if, when he looks at Angelea, he thinks she sees this competition as the end or the beginning. That’s actually kind of a good question. He says that he thinks that if Angelea doesn’t win, she won’t ever try modeling again. He says that her career isn’t up to them, but up to her. Tyra talks about models who didn’t win, but are working: Fatima, Anya, Katarzyna, Mollie Sue.

Fatima: "I'm"

Anya: "Working"

Katarzyna: "After"

Mollie Sue: "ANTM!"

A decision has been made. The girls are called back in.

So who are our finalists?

Krista is one, of course. She screams with joy and shoves Alexandra in her glee. Her picture was absolutely incredible. She totally deserves to win.

Alexandra, Raina, and Angelea step forward. Only one will be a finalist.

Alexandra has an amazing combo of face and body, but her pix are inconsistent. Raina is “the second coming of Brooke Shields.” Did she ever leave? Anyway, Raina has eyes like a wolf, but lacks creativity and falls flat when asked to step outside her comfort zone. Angelea has an edgy face, but the judges wonder if she can take critique and still forge ahead.

So who’s the finalist who will compete with Krista?

It’s Raina. She is shocked into silence. I can’t believe it. Not that she’s a finalist, but that she’s silent.

Krista does not look pleased. Oh, please. Like it matters. Girl, you’ve got this thing in the bag.

Tyra goes to hug Alexandra and Angelea. She calls Alexandra “the second coming of amazingness.” Angelea is crying. Tyra encourages her to learn how to take critique and still keep her head held high.

The girls hug each other goodbye. Angelea informs the judges that they will see her again. Not likely.

She does a “hammer dance.”

“See that? That’s what I’m talking about,” says Tyra. “This is not the first rejection. But you’ve gotta keep moving on.” Huh? Is that supposed to be comforting in any way?

Now that the sad faces have been banished from the room, the finalists are free to celebrate.

Anna Sui wants happy, smiling faces on the runway, which is a departure from the usual deadpan fierceface that they usually give.

“I am so mad,” sighs Alexandra. She came because she knew she’d make a great model, and wanted to give fat girls something to believe in. We see her portfolio, and her face really is great. She is wearing ridiculously short shorts. Girl, no. She says that her modeling career is about to take off, and she can’t wait for it to.

“Angelea is still a winner. I’m still that ***ch; I don’t care what nobody says.” She says, “even though I’m not in the final two, I’m still America’s Next Top Model. I don’t care.” Oh, my.

So, before we take a look at the finale, let’s rank the photos from this leg of the journey, shall we?

4. Angelea

America's Next Top Model

Anybody know where the nearest port-a-potty is?

This was clearly the worst picture of the bunch. She looks like she’s gotta take a crap. As far as her pictures are concerned, she’s come a long way; much further than I ever thought she could, I’ll admit.

But in person, she’s still a terror, and she’s going to have to really work on that if she wants to have a career after ANTM.

3. Raina

America's Next Top Model

I wanna be America's Next Top Model soooooo baaaaaaaaad.

Raina’s pic is only slightly better than Angelea’s. I really don’t like her face at all; she looks like she’s sick, psychotic, or both. And this was the pic that got her into the final? Shenanigans.

2. Alexandra

America's Next Top Model

Yes, I'll be taking over the world now that I'm done with this show.

I was actually quite surprised by Alexandra’s performance in the competition. She kept getting better and better, and her pix actually ended up looking consistently better than she did at panel (some of her outfits were truly ghastly).

She actually has a chance at a successful plus-sized modeling career after this. I can’t believe I’m saying it, either.

1. Krista

America's Next Top Model

Perfection.

Krista has earned her win with this picture. It’s perfection. That’s all that can be said, really. I didn’t like Krista much at the beginning of the competition; I thought her look was too harsh. But she totally proved me wrong. Her pix have been just amazing. She deserves the win.

Thoughts?

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